Wednesday, December 28, 2011

How old is three really?

Lately I have been thinking about all of the things my daughter can do.  She gets herself dressed sometimes, will try to help me cook things, use a measuring cup (not accurately), has been practicing writing her name.  She can tell you what street she lives on, what town she lives in, the number of her house.  She knows her colors, shapes, days of the week, months of the's amazing how her little brain can absorb so many things.  I am really blessed to have such an inquisitive and intelligent little girl. 
Sometimes I wonder if it's because we treat her like a little 3 year old adult.  We don't talk to her like she's a baby.  We encourage her to explore and create and figure things out.  She's at that stage where I am encouraging  her to use her words more and whine less.  She is turning into an independent little lady.  I love it and I sometimes worry that her growth and childhood will be rushed.  I love that she is so independent, but I don't want her to become a big girl too quick. 
I always ask her if she can stay small forever...and she says "no mamma, I have to get big so that I can cook dinner for you." 

Friday, December 23, 2011

hello old friend, what if we meet again?

If the 33 year old me and the 25 year old me were to meet (thanks to Doc and the Delorean) what would I say to myself?

I often wonder if 25 year old me was prepared for what was ahead, or if I was so wrapped up in being 25 that I missed out on opportunities. 

There is no doubt that 25 year old Jenn was NOT mommy material.  She was definitely selfish, motivated, fairly cute and also uncertain about what she really wanted out of life.  I am guessing 33 year old Jenn would tell her to have fun and stop worrying so much.  I'd probably also tell her to be truthful. 

Not that I was a liar at 25, but I was fair self-destructive in the sense that I wasn't honest with myself. 
I wouldn't want O to hang out with the 25 year old me.  She would probably not be the best role model for a cute 3 year old girl. 

I guess knowing that I'm heading into my mid-30's as a mom, teacher, wife, scrapbooker, blogger, adventure seeker, philosopher and cheese enthusiast makes me wonder how many times in life I will change.  I love that there is not definites in life.  Nothing is carved out as an absolute.  O has the opportunity to be who she wants and she can make mistakes...just like I did - at 18, 25 and probably will again before this journey is over. 

I think 25 year old me would be somewhat relieved to meet 33 year old me.  I think she'd be happy to know that the "happy ending" is possible...even though 33 year old me would call this the "happy beginning"

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Bills, babies and money..oh my!

I wish I even knew what I wanted to write about, but there is just so much swimming around in my head tonight that I am not even sure where to begin with it all. 

I'm less than 20 days from my scheduled C-Section with my second child.  I am excited, scared and happy all at the same time.  My body is definitely feeling the toll of this pregnancy - being that I've gained just under 40 pounds - I am starting to really feel the cramps in my back, legs, etc.

I am also still working full time and coming home to a 3 year old.  Luckily for me, I have an awesome husband who takes care of me and is a HUGE help with the O.  Our schedules work out that he is able to help me in the evenings, which is awesome because my cankles need to be rested.  By the end of my work day I have ankles that are big, big enough that I am unable to wear real shoes anymore.  Thank goodness for my 3 year old Walmart clogs and my Old Navy cloth boots from last season. 

My last day at CRLS is scheduled to be January 4th, with my C-Section on January 5th at 9:30am.  I am hoping I will make it until then.  I really feel like there is a good chance I will.  I have had some contractions, but nothing that has been organized and consistent enough to get me going into labor.  That doesn't mean anything though, when it's meant to be it is meant to we can PLAN on a C-Section, but who really knows...this kid and my body will ultimately work together to make things happen when it's time.

I'll be out of work for 3 months, with half of that time being paid.  I am hoping that I can actually stay out the whole 3 months, but if finances end up being an issue, I will be going back earlier.  I want to stay home longer, but financially I will need to do what is write for my family.  It's amazing how expensive life is.  Even with the amount of money we make, I still find us pushing our budget to the limit each month!

I think the financial stress of having two kids and owning a home is getting to me a bit.  I look at the money, do the budget and we are living paycheck to paycheck.  We have enough money to pay our bills, put food on the table, buy oil and gas, but truthfully we don't make enough to save any right now.  My hope is that after some of our revolving debts are paid down we will be a little bit more comfortable.  I am doing my best to manage our money but it's hard.  I know there are a lot of families who are in our boat, but it is worth it to know that O has a home, a safe place to live and doesn't want for things. 

I am also using this as an opportunity be come a better spender and pay more attention to deals and bargains.  I am thinking I am finding new ways to save money and actually feel sort of excited when I get a deal.  I can see why a lot of families buy in bulk, use coupons and figure out ways to make their budget go a little bit further.  I am thinking we will be fine, but it is always a struggle...or at least I feel the struggle.  I just keep reminding myself in the immortal words of my GiGi "This too shall pass." 

Saturday, November 26, 2011

2nd time around...

Being pregnant for a 2nd time is so different than the first.  I'm guessing this is purely do to the fact that I don't have the time to obsess over every single pain, gurgle or baby movement.  I'm busy watching O most of the time or working or cleaning, cooking, I'm not as obsessed with every baby feeling. 

Baby G2 is due on January 10th, but do to complications during the birth of O, I'm forced into a repeat C-Section.  It is going to take place on January 5th at 9:30am.  I did not pick the date or time...I left it up to the High Risk OB who is performing the procedure.  Dave and I did not want the responsibility for picking our child's birthday, we wanted it to be as close to random as it could be. 

I am excited to meet Baby G2, but I am stressed about how we are going to make it all work financially.  Money is going to be tight - for the next 5 years or so.  LOL.  So that freaks me out, but other than that, the prospect of having a small person is exciting.  I'm hapy that O will have a sibling and that our family will increase by 1, but I know in my heart that even if I wasn't medically banned from having another child, I wouldn't go for 3.  I feel like at this point, 2 is really all we would be able to handle - emotionally, mentally and financially.  Nevermind the fact that I don't really think my body could go for 3.  I think it's reached it's physical peak with Baby G2.

In just under 6 full weeks, Baby G2 will be joining our little family.  I look forward to welcoming him or her to the fold - and watching O develop into a big sister!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Occupy This...

First, let me start off by saying that I am firm believer in the rights of citizens to be open about their disappointment with the way the government is run.  I think it's amazing that we live in a nation where people can express their feelings under protection of the law.  I believe people should always stick by their guns and really remain true to their beliefs. 

Ok - now that I've given my disclaimer, I feel I can say that I am really sick of the Occupy Boston (or insert any city here) Movement.  I am not against the initial messaging of the discrepancy in the distribution of wealth, but I am against the movement in it's current form. 

It seems that the people who are occupying Boston don't even seem to know why they are there.  Or can't even explain what problems they have with the government that prompted them to join the movement.  There was even one woman who even said that she just wanted to "occupy," but had no real reason for being there.  She was a protestor in the 1970's and wanted to join in the "fun." 

I've heard other reports of crime, sexual assault, public bathroom usage and drug crimes going on in the "tent cities" across the nation, but for some reason it does not seem like much is being done about it by the police.  I realize that citizens have the right to decline police services, but this just seems ridiculous to me.  Aren't the places that these people are "occupying" publically owned?  And in that case shouldn't these people be policed appropriately? 

Also, it is infuriating to me that people are saying the live in "tent cities" with communal governments that seems to be making their own rules and trying to police themselves.  They don't live in a separate city, they are a group of people, with no real unified message, that are camping out on public property. 

In Boston, these people are being given electricity!  Seriously?  I find that completely foolish.  If I paid taxes to live in Boston, and my tax money was paying for this - I think I'd be OCCUPYING CITY HALL asking the Mayor to cut these people off!  There is no real reason any of these people should be getting free electricity to take over the Rose Kennedy Greenway.  I wonder if any of the money used to clean up this mess will come from state taxes?  If I find out it is, I will be on the phone with the Governor's office everyday.  There are plenty of other ways tax money could have been productively spent without spending it to repair the mess these people are making.

All this is on top of the fact that the Occupiers do not have any permits to be on the greenway.  A paid and planned event, which was permitted, was actually cancelled this year because of the Occupiers.  That is really just a great example of how much control a group of disorganized people have had over one area of Boston.  It is a disgrace.

And finally - My formal response to the sect of Occupiers who say that they are unable to pay bills, get jobs, etc...

"I am not in the 1%.  I am in the process of paying back over 60k worth of student loans for both my Undergraduate and Masters Degree programs.  Each month I pay my debt back on time and in full.  My husband and I also own a home, pay a mortgage and our bills.  We live within our means and still manage to survive.  We don't expect handouts or bailouts, but work for what we have.  I have a 3 year old who goes to daycare and a baby on the way.  I believe America is about doing what you have to do to survive and thrive, just as those who founded our country did.  Rather than complain about all the things I don't have and ask other people to give me some of there wealth, I intend to work for the things I want and build my own future.  I am part of the 99% who is where they are due to hard work, perserverance and sacrifice."

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

return of the mom

I lost my google password.  that's where i've been.  i've not been hiding, or abstaining from media...i honestly lost the password to the site!  i found it today and couldn't have been happier!  i completely missed my creative outlet to vent, rant and muse about the happenings of mommyhood, wifedom and the constant inner struggles of an independent woman confined to the life she's created.  :)  in a good way of course! 
more to come...