Wednesday, December 28, 2011

How old is three really?

Lately I have been thinking about all of the things my daughter can do.  She gets herself dressed sometimes, will try to help me cook things, use a measuring cup (not accurately), has been practicing writing her name.  She can tell you what street she lives on, what town she lives in, the number of her house.  She knows her colors, shapes, days of the week, months of the's amazing how her little brain can absorb so many things.  I am really blessed to have such an inquisitive and intelligent little girl. 
Sometimes I wonder if it's because we treat her like a little 3 year old adult.  We don't talk to her like she's a baby.  We encourage her to explore and create and figure things out.  She's at that stage where I am encouraging  her to use her words more and whine less.  She is turning into an independent little lady.  I love it and I sometimes worry that her growth and childhood will be rushed.  I love that she is so independent, but I don't want her to become a big girl too quick. 
I always ask her if she can stay small forever...and she says "no mamma, I have to get big so that I can cook dinner for you." 

Friday, December 23, 2011

hello old friend, what if we meet again?

If the 33 year old me and the 25 year old me were to meet (thanks to Doc and the Delorean) what would I say to myself?

I often wonder if 25 year old me was prepared for what was ahead, or if I was so wrapped up in being 25 that I missed out on opportunities. 

There is no doubt that 25 year old Jenn was NOT mommy material.  She was definitely selfish, motivated, fairly cute and also uncertain about what she really wanted out of life.  I am guessing 33 year old Jenn would tell her to have fun and stop worrying so much.  I'd probably also tell her to be truthful. 

Not that I was a liar at 25, but I was fair self-destructive in the sense that I wasn't honest with myself. 
I wouldn't want O to hang out with the 25 year old me.  She would probably not be the best role model for a cute 3 year old girl. 

I guess knowing that I'm heading into my mid-30's as a mom, teacher, wife, scrapbooker, blogger, adventure seeker, philosopher and cheese enthusiast makes me wonder how many times in life I will change.  I love that there is not definites in life.  Nothing is carved out as an absolute.  O has the opportunity to be who she wants and she can make mistakes...just like I did - at 18, 25 and probably will again before this journey is over. 

I think 25 year old me would be somewhat relieved to meet 33 year old me.  I think she'd be happy to know that the "happy ending" is possible...even though 33 year old me would call this the "happy beginning"

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Bills, babies and money..oh my!

I wish I even knew what I wanted to write about, but there is just so much swimming around in my head tonight that I am not even sure where to begin with it all. 

I'm less than 20 days from my scheduled C-Section with my second child.  I am excited, scared and happy all at the same time.  My body is definitely feeling the toll of this pregnancy - being that I've gained just under 40 pounds - I am starting to really feel the cramps in my back, legs, etc.

I am also still working full time and coming home to a 3 year old.  Luckily for me, I have an awesome husband who takes care of me and is a HUGE help with the O.  Our schedules work out that he is able to help me in the evenings, which is awesome because my cankles need to be rested.  By the end of my work day I have ankles that are big, big enough that I am unable to wear real shoes anymore.  Thank goodness for my 3 year old Walmart clogs and my Old Navy cloth boots from last season. 

My last day at CRLS is scheduled to be January 4th, with my C-Section on January 5th at 9:30am.  I am hoping I will make it until then.  I really feel like there is a good chance I will.  I have had some contractions, but nothing that has been organized and consistent enough to get me going into labor.  That doesn't mean anything though, when it's meant to be it is meant to we can PLAN on a C-Section, but who really knows...this kid and my body will ultimately work together to make things happen when it's time.

I'll be out of work for 3 months, with half of that time being paid.  I am hoping that I can actually stay out the whole 3 months, but if finances end up being an issue, I will be going back earlier.  I want to stay home longer, but financially I will need to do what is write for my family.  It's amazing how expensive life is.  Even with the amount of money we make, I still find us pushing our budget to the limit each month!

I think the financial stress of having two kids and owning a home is getting to me a bit.  I look at the money, do the budget and we are living paycheck to paycheck.  We have enough money to pay our bills, put food on the table, buy oil and gas, but truthfully we don't make enough to save any right now.  My hope is that after some of our revolving debts are paid down we will be a little bit more comfortable.  I am doing my best to manage our money but it's hard.  I know there are a lot of families who are in our boat, but it is worth it to know that O has a home, a safe place to live and doesn't want for things. 

I am also using this as an opportunity be come a better spender and pay more attention to deals and bargains.  I am thinking I am finding new ways to save money and actually feel sort of excited when I get a deal.  I can see why a lot of families buy in bulk, use coupons and figure out ways to make their budget go a little bit further.  I am thinking we will be fine, but it is always a struggle...or at least I feel the struggle.  I just keep reminding myself in the immortal words of my GiGi "This too shall pass."