Monday, May 25, 2009

the end result

lately i've been feeling nostalgic. it started when an old friend of mine posted pictures on his facebook of a trip we took with the Wilmington HS Marching Band to Washington DC in 1994. I was looking at the pictures and honestly couldn't remember the trip. I have seriously NO memories from it and remember NOTHING about it. Scary as that is and the fact that it indicates another possible long-term problem in itself is huge, but after seeing those pictures I began to think back over things and wonder how many other events, just like this I've forgotten.

Do I block things out?

And the things I do remember, do I distort them in my mind to suit what they mean to me?

And those questions lead to a bigger question, if the only things we have to take us back in time are memories, how can anything ever be historically accurate?

As my Dad always said "Perception is Reality" and wow, how right he is.

I perceive so many things as being learning experiences for me, that for the person or people involved might be horrible memories. They might remember it completely differently so there is no real record of the events or even of what really happened. It was after seeing those pictures from a trip I was on and can't remember that I realized just how personal history and the past really is.

I remember a lot of my life, or at least I think I do. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. The people I remember and the events I remember...they shaped me, make me the wife, mother, and person that I am today.

I know that I have enemies out there, better yet, I know I have people who dislike me based on something that happened or didn't happen and I may never know it. But the flip side to that is the folks out there who right now remember me fondly, even if I can't remember them.

I guess the thing about memories and the past is that they follow us. It's like these images haunt dreams, in moments of deja vu, and in my scrapbooks. I know that as I get older, I might forget more things, but the things that do stick with me, I will hold on to as long as I can.

It's in looking at the past that I can see clearly what I need to do in the future to be who I want to be...and that's the end result.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

scrapbooking season!

So, I finally have free time!

It's amazing just how busy I have been at work, with Grad School, and my mommy duties! Finally, now that my Grad School commitment is over I feel like I can breathe again! I refer to the days ahead as scrapbooking season because finally I can use my time for my favorite hobby and maybe get caught up! lol...

Today is O's 7 month birthday as well. I am still in amazement that she is that old! It feels like yesterday that I found out I was going to have the small girl...and now she is starting to get teeth, eats baby food and is starting to develop quite a little inquisitive personality. I love that part the most. I hope that she is like me in that respect. I love to ask why and explore my surroundings, I hope she is like that as well.