Wednesday, December 31, 2008

windy day

yesterday it was ridiculously windy. so windy in fact that we had a wind advisory...with gusts up to 50 mph. it was the kind of strong wind that you could lean into and still be standing up. normally windy days don't bother me, in fact sometimes they can be fun, but this wasn't that kind of fun wind. it was cold, strong, and really just not convenient based on my plans. how dare the weather not cooperate with me right? lol.

baby O and i had to go to City Hall in Boston to pick up a copy of her birth certificate so we headed out in the windy weather. we got to City Hall Plaza and she was nearly blown over in her carriage. fortunately i was able to grab her and get to safety without her falling over and getting hurt.

now the dumb part, i could have avoided the entire windy ordeal had i realized there was a back entrance to City Hall!! I was on Congress Street (the backside of the building) and thought to get in I had to go up around the building which is where the wind cyclone was!! i ended up going back down and in the back door (can we just note how silly i felt at that point!) which was much easier. but man, did i feel like a fool...and the funniest part of the whole thing - olivia slept through the whole ordeal. clearly she really is like her dad - he sleeps through all sorts of stuff!!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

christmas time was here...

so it's over, the holidays are over. most of my friends are posting on facebook that they are taking down their christmas trees and putting decorations away today. sad. we didn't even put up a tree, but the holidays do go by way to fast for my liking! i love the holidays. i love the food, time spent with family and friends and the joy of the fact that we are about to embark on a new year full of new and exciting things!

Dave is not that big of a fan of christmas, mostly because of the way people materialize it and worry more about gifts than what the real meaning of the holiday is. which is funny since he is not a very religious man, but i can see his point. i look at the giving of gifts as a way to celebrate what Jesus gave us by being born and dying and all that stuff inbetween. I was raised Catholic and though I may not go to Church on a regular basis (story for another entry there...) I still believe in God and organized religion and the meaning of Christmas as well.

Now that it's over and we are gearing up for the new year, i am looking forward to all the fun exciting things that 2009 are going to bring - new experiences with Olivia, going back to work and grad school, learning how to be a better mom, wife, and daughter, celebrating weddings, babies, and birthdays with friends and family, finally taking our LONG overdue honeymoon, and even a trip to see our family in Nebraska.

So many gifts to be thankful for and look forward too - Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

bah humbug

i didn't put up a christmas tree this year. i decided that it'd be too much work for me. since i am home all day with Olivia i'd have to be the one to put it up and take it down and i just didn't want to deal with it. i also don't want pine needles all over the place. i am not in the mood to have to clean them up. next year we'll get a tree...this year i'm just not that into it.

if i want a dose of christmas cheer i go to my parents house. they have enough christmas decorations for everyone. their house looks beautiful, inside and out.

i am hanging up all the nice Christmas cards we've gotten though - i'm not a total scrooge.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

why i do what i do

last week Olivia and I went to the new Target in Stoughton. It's awesome quite honestly. It's so nice and big and clean. We had to get a few last minute Christmas gifts and it's always good to get out of the house so I bundled the little baby bug up and we headed out.

She was a doll at the store, she was awake for a big part of the trip, and fell asleep right as we were about to check out of the store so I decided I'd treat myself to an Eggnog Latte at the in-store Starbucks. I headed over to the counter and got in line. While in the line I noticed that there was only one employee taking orders and making drinks. I felt bad for him, how awful to be alone at the busy Starbucks counter as there were two people in line in front of me and about 3 behind me at this point. Despite the volume of customers, he seemed to be holding his own.

While there I noticed the manager of Target walk over and start looking around the cafe area. I thought maybe they had a shoplifter or something so of course I'm intrigued. I've been a stay at home mom now for nearly 3 months...I am clearly entertained very easily.

So I watched what was going on and realized what the manager had come over to see and I was shocked and almost upset. There was no shoplifter. There was a group of men, approximately in their late 40's/early 50's who were drinking coffee at some tables in the corner and they clearly were mentally handicapped. The man in line in front of me was also part of their group. It was when he turned around to ask me what time it was that I realized it. He got up to the counter and asked for a frozen drink that Starbucks didn't make, but he could get around the corner at the Pizza Hut, so his group leader came and got him and brought him to the correct counter. It was after he went around the corner that the Target Manager came over and told the Starbucks employee that everything was fine and if he has any further problems to talk to the group leader.

Clearly there must have been some sort of incident, but it reminded me why I left radio. I wanted to do something more than just give out prizes and plan events. I wanted to be part of something bigger than that. I will always love music and believe in the power of a good show, but to know that I'm working to help create meaningful lives for people who maybe can't make them for themselves really makes me feel good. Some of these men that I saw at the Starbucks could be students of mine someday and I hope that they are always treated well and given opportunities to do things just like everyone else without ridicule or judgement.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

some of my goals

since being blessed with baby O, i haven't had much time to really think about things...well i have had time to think, but mostly about my life with her and how i got to this point in my existence.

but lately i am thinking more about me and things I still want to do for myself (disclaimer - is doing ANYTHING for yourself even possible with a child?).

I'd still like to at some point in the next 20 years travel to Ireland, Scotland and Italy. My brother Mike and I would always talk about how we wished we could move to Ireland and just work in a pub somewhere. I can't really explain why we had that dream, but we did. I think we both just feel a strong pull there due to the fact that we have family there and for me I just think as Americans we sometimes just put the emphasis on the WRONG things and from what I've seen of the Irish people (do movies and books count?) they seem to have their priorities more in line than we do on certain issues. I figure if Dave and I really wanted to go we could take Olivia when she's like 15...because the Irish don't mind their teenagers joining them for a pint...

I'd like to get more fashionable clothing that fits and is better quality. Perhaps that stems from my obsession with TLC"s What NOT to Wear. I love the clothes they put people in and I am really interested in stepping up my look this winter. I got a wonderful winter coat from my mom and dad for Christmas all ready so that's a step in the right direction, but I will need to start looking for nicer pieces that actually fit me. I have a semi high profile job now being that I am the person who actually had to meet with families and state agencies on a regular basis so I think that I should look more polished and put together. Currently I feel like that frazzled mom you see with smudged eyeliner and raggedy clothes - I so need to work on that.

I would like to finish my Master's by May 2010 and then begin my next Master's the following semester. I really enjoy Grad school and I am loving learning about Special Education. It's bizarre to me how I changed my life so drastically (radio to education is a HUGE change, but it is worth it. I really enjoy what I do and this path allows me to help people, grow as a person, and have my summers and school vacations off to spend with Olivia.) When she is a teenager she won't like that i'm home all the time...though I will be good for rides I guess, until she gets her license anyway.

I really want to get back to my scrapbooking...i am so far behind...I'm still in May 2007!! I hope to get caught up someday, but from what I'm told I shouldn't hold my breathe on that now that the baby O is here.

I'd like to buy a house in 2010...not sure where yet...but I really want to own something...and I want to give Olivia a place that she can paint and decorate and feel like it's HER home, not just an apartment that we rent. We grew up in a variety of apartments until I was nearly 13 and honestly it was fine...but I loved that as a teenager I had my own room. It was so nice. I hope to give her the same thing.

My goals are so simple...kinda boring honestly but they are still mine and I hope to reach them someday.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

some honest perspective

Olivia just turned 6 weeks old on Thanksgiving. I am amazed at how quickly these 6 weeks have passed. I feel like it was only yesterday that I was sitting on my couch, calling my friend Kerrie to ask her what being in labor felt like because I thought it was starting...and now here I am 6 weeks later with a small lady sleeping in her swing next to me while I type this, pay bills and try to register for Grad Classes - all before she wakes up and wants to visit with me!

I fondly remember and sometimes long for the days when Dave and I were a duo. Days when things were far less complicated. We were able to go out to eat on a Saturday night and not have to worry if the restaurant had a wait, we could sleep in on Sunday then have a lazy breakfast, we could go anywhere we wanted - anytime we wanted really - an impromptu dinner, a visit to a friend's house, or even a drive down the Cape just for fun - it was a different time in our lives.

Now just to leave the house we need to pack diapers, wipes, blankets, hats, toys..etc. It's amazing to me how my small person needs just to go to my parents house for the afternoon!! I suppose that is because at any minute she could pee, poop or puke (the 3 P's!) while I've mastered those skills all ready and don't need the extra change of clothes.

Truthfully though I do long for the simple times, I couldn't imagine our lives without her. She's just learning how to smile, she's cooing and talking a bit more and she even seems to be trying to hold her head up sometimes (ok so it's floppy most of the time...but she's trying!) It's exciting and really cool to watch her develop and see how she's going to grow up. I feel lucky that I had her at 30 versus my early or middle 20's though. It's easier to enjoy her since I have all ready done most of the things I want to do...I am ok if I can't go out to a bar on the weekend since I've done it, I don't need to go out to eat all the time, and I am not worried about what all my friends are doing since most of them are doing what I'm doing - changing diapers, kissing chubby cheeks and feeding little ones. I don't worry about my single ones either - I've done what they are doing and now have moved on. It's that honest perspective that allows me to be ok with unwashed hair, baby spit up and dirty sweatpants - it's that honest perspective that lets me know that these days will soon be a fond and distant memory that I'll long for.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

i'm a SLAVE for you...

I am a slave...a slave to a little 10lb. person with blue eyes, a button nose and a little brown hair.

She cries - I answer, meaning I come running with a bottle, a clean diaper or just a little cuddle.
She has no concept of day or night so it's a 24 hour a day assignment with a little bit of time for blogging, showering, eating and talking to my husband who I see briefly each night.

Despite my exhaustion and sometimes massive frustration I love her and will do anything necessary to make her life a bit more comfortable.

For the next 40 to 50 years (or longer I hope) Olivia and I will be on this planet together and in one way or another she will always need something from me, so I guess it makes sense that we start now with our symbiotic slave relationship. I will be providing her with the basics to sustain life and ultimately i hope I'm able to provide her with so much more - advice when she gets into her first argument with a friend, keys to the car when she goes for her first solo ride, money to get a prom dress, an ear to talk to when she meets - dates - and dumps her first love, and anything else along the way she needs.

There are moments where she looks at me and I realize the amazing responsibility this slavery comes with, and there are moments when she is screaming crying and I can't console her that I want to open that bottle of wine Auntie Helene brought me. This slavery is a HUGE responsibility that I don't think anyone should take lightly. These little slave drivers don't come with any sort of instructions and frankly I'm amazed that I was allowed to just take her out of the hospital. Ultimately it's ok though because they will TELL you what they want - they just scream until they get it!

Monday, November 17, 2008

My first NIGHT OUT!!

Chris, me and Danielle at their weddding - November 8th

My brother Mike, me and my sister Beth at the wedding!

Dave and I at the wedding - sans Olivia!
So finally, after about a month Dave and I had a night out at my cousin Danielle's wedding! She was married on November 8th to an awesome guy who I totally love - Chris Angelillo. It's so great to see her so happy!!
Livy stayed with her GiGi (my Grammy) for a few hours (from about 5pm - 1030pm) so that Dave and I could attend the wedding and part of the was nice to be out for a few hours with other adults. I had a great time and it was nice to actually wear something other than hospital pants and a tank top.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

a simple twist of fate

3 weeks have passed and it feels like a lifetime. so much has changed in 3 weeks, it's amazing how different i've become. To quote a Jewel song "I feel so far from where I've been"

I seriously am just amazed at how far I've come as a person, not just as a parent, but as a woman. I was so different just a year ago at this time. It's amazing how different I am and how much things change.

I always knew I'd move back to MA from CA. It was a given. I knew that though I LOVED CA I would never marry someone out there and have a family. I couldn't have a child and live 3,000 miles away from my family. It just wasn't an option for me. I think that's part of the reason I couldn't settle down with anyone, even though I wanted to. There are men in CA who will ALWAYS have a piece of my heart, even though our relationships were doomed to fail. Without their failures I would not be where I am now. I wouldn't be married to Dave and we wouldn't have Olivia.

Dave and I met just 10 days after I moved home from CA. If you look at his life line and my life line, there are many instances in the early 2000's where we were running parallel. We knew a lot of the same people, perhaps were even at the same bar or party, and were hanging around the same town but we never met. I truly believe that we were meant to meet when we did and had we met any earlier our relationship would have been doomed. We wouldn't have worked out earlier and Olivia wouldn't have come into existence.

As for me, I certainly am an entirely different person now than I was years ago, I am even different than I was 3 weeks ago -
  • I constantly have my hair up in a messy pony tail and no make up
  • I wear the same pants day after day
  • I smell like the sweet aroma of breastmilk and baby wipes
  • I go to bed at 8pm so that I can be up several times during the night with my daughter so Dave can sleep
  • I love napping now more than I did in college
  • I can now change tv channels, feed the baby and eat a sandwich at the same time

It's amazing how much your life changes when you have a baby - how much you are willing to do for another little life...the big thing for me is going to be NOT losing too much of myself during the process. I want Olivia to always see the importance of being yourself regardless of where your life takes you and part of that means I need to lead by example. I need to show her it's ok to be impulsive, passionate and dedicated to the things that mean the most to her. AND the big thing is that it's important to follow your destiny so that you can find your fate. My destiny brought me to CA and back just so I could be here now. She is my fate I guess, or at least part of my fate. I am a lucky woman. I've done a lot of wonderful things in my life and I wish all the same for her.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

olivia hanging at home!

home resting


I LOVE to sleep!

Cousin Erin came to see me!

the head nod...

last night at about 2 am i was standing at my kitchen sink. while standing there warming a bottle and cleaning out some of my milk containers from the fridge i realized that Dave and I are now members of an exclusive club - a club that only parents belong to.

who else would get up in the middle of the night, warm a bottle and be thankful to get 3 hours of sleep at a time! it's funny because just 2 weeks ago i had no idea what we were getting into, and now i see that we really do have a great thing here. granted she keeps us busy and tired...but the look on her little face when she has a clean diaper and a full truly priceless.

now when i pass other parents on the street i will give them the head nod, that "hey, what's up" look because we are members of the club.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Olivia Jayne at HOME!

Resting with mommy!

Playing with Daddy!

Cousin Liz came to visit me!

Cousin Stephanie came to visit me too!

It's been so nice recovering at home and Olivia has been so fortunate to have so many family members and friends stopping by to see her! She loves the attention and is totally enjoying hanging out with all the new people she is meeting.
My parents are totally in love with her and LOVE spending time with her. I think it's so nice that they get to spend a lot of time with her. I grew up very close with my grandparents and I want the same for Olivia.
Dave's dad and his step-mom Deanne are visiting this week too. They got here last night from Nebraska and will be staying through Friday morning. I am really glad that they were able to come here and see Olivia. It's hard because Dave's family is far enough away that it's not like they can come over to see her whenever they want. They are going to be here every morning this week to spend time with her and they will come back at night to spend more time with Dave and I as well as Olivia.
I am going to do my best to make sure that Olivia knows her family in Nebraska and Texas. I don't want her just knowing my relatives because they live closer to her than Dave's family does. She has a huge family full of relatives ALL over the country and it's important that she knows and is in contact with them as she gets older. She even has a cousin coming in late November/early December in Nebraska so when we do visit she'll have another kid to play with.
Parenting is scary, stressful and really overwhelming, but I am doing my best to make sure she feels comfortable, loved and is always surrounded by family and friends.

Friday, October 24, 2008

late night bottles

dave is the best. he gets up with olivia every night. he doesn't want me to get out of bed because i'm working on recovering from a pretty rough c-section and i have a hard time moving around. it takes me 20 minutes to get into our bed (we have high mattresses) and he feels bad for me. i waddle, my lower half is still swollen and i can only sleep on my back!!

but i also think he LOVES taking care of her. he is adorable with her honestly. he is so loving and caring and even in the middle of the night he talks so sweetly to her - it's really cute!

so at least for now he's giving me the chance to recoup...once i'm better i do think that i'll let him get a lot more sleep! :-) and i'll take the late night duties over...but for now, i'm just going to enjoy that i'm married to a wonderful man who has become a caring, loving father!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

this was NOT in the brochure!

so when i got pregnant i had no idea what to expect...with any of it...i didn't know how it would effect me emotionally, physically or mentally and I certainly didn't know what to do once I got through the actual pregnancy and had a baby to care for, but i always knew i'd get through it and feel my way - ask friends and family for advice and guidance and that all would be ok.

i am a worrier by nature so i purposely don't over research pregnancy related things. i never researched the actual recovery time for labor and delivery or a c-section, because frankly i would have worried. though now that i'm recovering from an emergency c-section, i wish i had somewhat known what i was getting into.

it's been nearly a week since she was "evicted" and i'm still swollen up from the waist feet, legs, stomach (i'm actually now retaining water on my sides as well - Dave said it looks like i'm a fat man who lost a lot of weight the way my skin literally hangs over itself) and little lady are still pretty big....though my mom today said she thought they were going down a arms and hands are not nearly as bad as they were but i can still feel a slight swelling to them.

i have consulted with some c-section ladies and they all assure me this is normal as did my midwife at the hospital, but still it sucks. I can see why they don't tell you about THIS in school...the toll having a child has taken on my body is awful. i am told that once i drink a lot of water and my body processes all the stored fluids that i'll pee or sweat it out...but seriously i am tired of being so bloated...i walk like i'm heading into the O.K. Corral for the showdown at high noon!

the other part of this experience that is awful is my random crying jags. i'm clearly so hormonal that my eyes are like water works two or three times a day for no real reason. it's ridiculous. i actually cried leaving the hospital yesterday!! i am a wreck sometimes.

sleeping is even a challenge...i am so swollen that i can barely get into bed (i've never been sad that we have a nice high mattress until now) and when i do get into bed my sleeping position is on my back sort of sitting up. it is uncomfortable and really just stinks.

but i know that as my grammy learned from g.g. (her mom), "this to shall pass"

now through all of this, i am so glad that i have her - she's an adorable little thing and a really good baby so i don't regret that she's now THE center of my and Dave's lives.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Photos of Olivia Jayne

Olivia with G.G. *Great Grandma

Olivia under the warmer

Daddy and Olivia (She has him wrapped!)

Nana (my mom) and Olivia just after she was born!

Our first face to face meeting!

Announcing the one and only Olivia Jayne Garcia!

It's been a few days since she's entered the world and all ready my life has been turned upside a good way of course. Dave is an amazing I write this he is sitting on the chair in my hospital room just cuddling with his little girl. They both seem to enjoy napping a lot! It's very charming and makes me so happy to see our little family forming all ready!

As for me...the road to recovery from my emergency c-section is going to be a LONG one. The story of little Olivia's birth is rather involved and complex. It was certainly as eventful as this pregnancy has been if not more eventful, which cleary is expected because nothing that little Olivia and I went through was typical or normal by any stretch.

The day I went into labor (Wednesday 10.15.08), I woke up around 7am and felt different, i just thought maybe that would be THE DAY! So, I went about my business - I had breakfast and lunch, watched TV and just waited it out.

As the day went on, my stomach was hard like a rock and my back was crampy so i called my OB's office. They had me come in and do a labor check at approximately 2:30pm. Luckily Dave was done with work that day and was able to come with me!! One of the midwives there said she was convinced I was in early labor and even questioned if I had a slow leak of amniotic fluid!! They did a bunch of tests that were coming back inconclusive so they weren't totally sure about the leaking. I just knew I was getting a lot wetter than usual. The possibility alone that I was leaking gave me a ticket to Labor and Delivery (L&D). They still wanted to check the baby, so they hooked me up to the NST machine and I was contracting every 5 to L&D I go!!

Dave and I got to L&D at about 5:30pm. When we got there they set me up in triage and checked my vitals, etc. After an internal exam it was determined I was 3cm and 100% and they went about trying to figure out if my water broke or not - which ultimately it was determined that it was slowly leaking so I wasn't' going home to "wait it out" i was going to have this baby!!

**Now, it's important for me to interject here that I may have been a little short with one of the midwives. She came in and said that she wasn't sure if I was leaking and I was only in early that point, I flashed with fear...I thought she was considering sending me home to wait it out and see if my water broke...and yeah, I was not going to be having that...clearly that was NOT going to be an option. According to my mom, who had met us there in triage, I actually sat up and with daggers in my eyes said to the woman "I AM 40 WEEKS AND 5 DAYS ALONG. I AM IN LABOR. I AM NOT LEAVING HERE WITHOUT A BABY." Obviously she was shocked and left the room...when she came back...she was nicer, and I was admitted!!

by 8pm we were up in our Labor and Delivery Room. and by 8:15pm my mucos plug fell all the way out and by 8:30pm I was gushing the remainder of my water - which was a mess and all over the floor of the room. It just kept coming too, which truthfully was amazing to me...I had NO clue it just kept coming out like that...amazing stuff!

Around 10:45pm I got my epi...which was a god send considering what was about to come. I ended up laboring all night with some progress but not too much. By 7am I was only 6cm and by 11am I was up to about 8cm (this is with Pitocin as well).

Now is when it gets complicated - I had a been flirthing with a fever from about 11pm clearly I had some sort of infection. And by 6am I had a full blown 101.3 fever going. I was hot, full of drugs and really uncomfortable. (Though I couldn't feel any of the contractions thanks to the wonderful people in the anestesia department!!) At this point, my midwife team turned me over the OB on call and he came in. With a fever of nearly 102 it was time for decisions to be made. By 11:30am I had signed my consent for a c-section and by 12:00pm I was under the knife.

After about an hour the doctor delivered Olivia with some complications. I lost a lot of blood, my uterus had to be cut the long way to get her out due to her immense size, and I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't talk and threw up during my c-section as well. It was bad. Dave said he thought I was going to die. I never thought that but I didn't see it from HIS point of view. They had me all closed up and wheeled back in the room by 2pm though. At that point I was in and out of consciousness and wasnt doing well. The other downside of the c-section is that I have essentially two different incisions. Outside i'm cut horizontally, but inside I'm cute vertically. Because of the way my uterus had to be cut I can never have a Vaginal Birth. IF I ever chose to do this again, it would have to be a c-section!

After getting back to my L&D room, I was still very feverish, exhausted and really just needed rest. Both Olivia and I continued antibiotics for 48 hours and our fevers went away. My fever broke on Saturday morning and Olivia's broke about 7 hours after she was born.

Over the weekend I was given 2 pints of blood because of my Hematocrit levels (Essentially this means I'm really anemic right now). The average woman's levels should be about 35-38% for women. Prior to my c-section I was at 30%. My levels post c-section were 17%, with one blood transfusion we were back to about 19%, with two blood transfusions we were at 22% and now as I type this I am getting my 3rd blood transfusion. Obviously I didn't want another transfusion but with my levels still SO LOW we had to do something to ensure that I was going to be able to go home and not fall over because I'm anemic. I will also be taking a lot of iron once I get home as well to help get my body back to normal.

Another joyous side effect of my exciting c-section experience is the fact that I actually have what is known as pitted adema. This means you can make indents on my feet and legs that will stay there for at least a minute. it's horrific and my legs and knees look huge!! For this condition they are going to give me a diuretic to help flush out the water tonight as well. I am having trouble walking/standing and moving. I get short of breath pretty easily because I'm so swollen and it's rough...let's not even talk about the amount of swelling I have in my little lady area (she looks like a hot dog bun!) and I didn't even PUSH!

Anyway, the long and short of it is this. Olivia is awesome, I love her so much. Though I don't intend to EVER do this again for another little person, I know that I would go through all this again for her. She's amazing, precious, and really just starting to turn into her beautiful little self. I LOVE being around her and knowing that we have an incredible journey ahead as mother and daughter. Granted, she did make me wait until AFTER I turned 30 to have her...I won't hold it against her!! :-)

Friday, October 10, 2008

what really IS a labor pain anyway?

So it's nearly the end of my due date and alas, no little baby to show for it. I hear that most mom's are late with their first babies anyway so I'm not too upset about it...if anything I'm just anxious to get through the pain - the physical pain that is, and see this semi small bundle of joy (can an estimated 8lbs. 11ozs. be considered small - not by my tally!).

I don't know that I'll really understand the emotional pain of being a parent until my little bundle of joy is yelling "NO" at me in a public venue, has thrown something of value down the toilet and flushed it, or is caught doing something unsavory in a public venue during his or her inevitable teenage rebellion.

since i'm so excited to know that labor has started and that we're about to have a baby, every pain i get could be "the one" that will send dave and I scampering off to Brigham & Women's to deliver. and so far, every pain i've gotten has been a let down and we remain at home...just contemplating when the main event will begin.

about a 1/2 hour ago i begain to have having horrible lower back pain, my stomach felt tight and i was wondering "could this be it?" it wasn't coming and going like a contraction would...but it was kinda intense and was like nothing i've felt...

i looked over to dave, he caught my gaze as i said "if it's like this in 15 minutes i'll call." The pain was serious and besides, wouldn't it make sense for me to start labor during game 1 of the ALCS series between Boston and Tampa Bay?

so i got up and went to use the bathroom - turns out i just had a really painful urge to poop. i'm guessing it's because the baby is pushing on my intestines and it caused some intense intestional pains.

needless to say dave was highly disappointed when i came out of the bathroom and it's back to the hurry up and wait game.

right now, in my G mocks us with a smile!

why yes, i am still pregnant...

sadly i'm over it. i'm over talking about it, i'm over answering questions about it...i think i honestly might just stop answering my phone.

i realize that people are calling me to ask if i've "had the baby yet?" or if there is "any news?" because they care and they want to share in the special event...but trust me, when it happens Dave will call you. He knows who he needs to call and people will be informed. i appreciate the love and support, but it is just getting tiring to talk about something that i've been told could happen "any day now" since August 27th. i am frustrated. i was forced to take a month off of work, rest and just wait for something that still didn't happen yet.

i realize today is my due date...but that sadly means jack crap. i could have a baby soon, i might not have a baby's hard to say. the baby birthing process is still a mystery in some ways. my OB/midwife team can't predict the exact DAY and TIME i'll go into labor...if only they could...they'd be rich and i'd feel a lot saner. but i digress...

the point remains i'm still pregnant. and yes, today is my due date. don't call me, i'll call you!

whew....ok done ranting now. :-) i feel much better.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

best laid plans

so i just got a call from my OB's office. tomorrow's induction has been cancelled.

apparently i've been bumped from the schedule so rather than going to my induction i am to go to my regularly scheduled appointment with my midwife.

i knew the whole time that there was a possibility that i might not get induced so it's ok. i'll be fine. just means now i get to wait longer to meet baby G!

oh well, even the best laid plans can be if only i'd just spontaneously GO INTO LABOR...i've tried to talk baby G into it...but he or she doesn't seem to want to do that just yet...

to push or not to push...

now, i realize i've never given birth before...but after watching a baby story on TLC i figure it must hurt worse than any pain i've ever experienced in my life.

these women on the show really scream and yell and freak out. i mean, i KNOW it's going to hurt...that part of my body is far from prepared to push a small person out of it, but maybe i should have thought of that before i decided that having a baby was a good idea

the funniest thing they all do is act like they don't want to push...well, the baby is going to come out, it needs to come out, and YOU need to push it in my opinion you just need to push.

i am going to try my hardest to just do what needs to be done and not complain while i'm doing it. there will be NO point in me saying "i don't want to do this" because at the point of pushing whether or not i want to push is not an's going to be a necessity. and not pushing is going to cause more problems than just pushing and doing what i'm told to do.

the past nearly 10 months have led up to the moments of the next 24 - 48 hours. i'm going to do my best to be a good patient and wife and a strong woman during this time and do what i can to bring baby G into the world with the least stress possible!

we'll see how it goes!!

Monday, October 6, 2008


today my midwife called...due to the size of the baby it's been decided that i must be induced.

so at this point i will be induced on Thursday, October 9th. i was given instructions to call the hospital at 6:30am on Thursday and the plan is that providing they've had no emergencies that would bump me, I'd head in at 7am to be set up for an induction.

now, this doesn't mean that i couldn't go into labor before then and knowing me and my life it wouldn't surprise me if i went into labor before my induction date...but as of right now, that's the plan.

funny how this kid tried to get out at the end of August and now it's being evicted!

now only TIME will tell!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

maternity clothes are too small!!!

(above) tonight - 39 weeks 1 day - in my living room!

at this point i have one pair of maternity jeans that fit...just one. so it sort of limits what i can wear. i have maybe 3 shirts that cover my belly...the rest are all too short to actually fit me correctly and i look foolish. therefore i am spending most of my time in pajama pants and long sleeve t-shirts...or Dave's sweatshirts...they fit me...that's really all i have left at this point. it's funny how BIG i am. thank goodness i don't have to work, i'd be in trouble trying to find anything to fit me! maybe baby g really is going to be a big baby!

Dave's Aunt Bridget emailed me today and said both of her kids were over 9lbs. maybe Dave's side of the family just has big babies...and I KNOW that my cousin Erin was a big baby oh's possible that the Baby G is going to be a mammoth child...the size of a small butterball turkey.

either way i am definitely feeling DONE with pregnancy. my back hurts a bit, my ankles are always swollen now, i'm tired a lot, and i'm always peeing! oh the joy. i can always feel the baby moving and i try to encourage him or her to come out, but it seems like it's just not time. and on top of being so pregnant, i now have a cold. awesome. so i'm full of snots and i have become a mouth breather while i sleep! always sexy.

Friday, October 3, 2008

your baby is bigger than my baby...or is it?

so today was my 39 week appointment and here i am...home again....doing what us pregnant gals do best...hurry up and wait as they say!

my appointment today was eventful though. first i had my ultrasound - this was done to try to see how big he or she might keep in mind there is a 20% margin of error in the calculations...this means the baby could be 20% smaller or bigger than the actual measurement they got. and the measurement they got was 8lbs. 11 ounces.

After hearing that gigantic number i did the math - based on the 20% window on either side, that makes baby G somewhere between 7lbs and 10lbs 4 ounces. REALLY? to be honest i am NOT putting much stock in that. i know he or she is big...i can feel that, but nearly 9 lbs? seriously? that's so not right...if it turns out he or she is that big i would be shocked!

after the ultrasound i had my exam - 2 cm dilated, 100% effaced with a paper thin cervix and my midwife decided to strip my membranes to see if that might get things jump does that mean exactly - it means that during my regular exam she seperated the amniotic sac from the wall of my uterus. this caused my body to release hormones called prostaglandins which help my cervix prepare for in some women this will cause labor within 24 - 48 others - nothing.

and after that i went and did a NST, which is a test where they monitor my contractions and the baby's movement...he or she was moving and i was contracting...but not enough to actually do anything. so she sent me home.

the only new instruction i got was to not just sit at home if my contractions are 8 mins apart. if i feel them getting stronger to call. i've had so much false labor that i don't even bother to call since the contractions haven't been close enough or in my mind even worth calling about, but now that i'm only 7 days out she doesn't want to mess would not be good for anyone if i had this baby at home because i was stubborn or didn't think they hurt enough to go to the hospital. i have always had a really good tolerance for pain so i think she is worried that i will wait too long.

well, it's off to wait some more...hopefully this baby will come soon! if it gets any bigger it's will be taller than me! hehehe

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

the night shift

i have to say that nighttime is the worst time for me as a pregnant woman. i seem to be unable to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time and there are some nights where i am just sitting up awake in my bed...sleep eluding me.

last night for instance, dave and i went to bed at 10:00pm. i was up at 12:00am, 1:45am - 3:00am, 4:30am, 5:19am and then again at 7:10am, 8:34am, and finally got up at 10:00am. Usually i don't sleep that late, but my body is just so tired at this point that i take any sleep i can get!

maybe it's the hormonal levels in my body keeping me up, maybe it's baby g kicking me in the ribs, but my friends who have kids tell me that it's just natures way of preparing me for the feedings and diaper changes and baby things i will be doing during all hours of the i guess it makes sense, but wouldn't you think nature would want me to get extra sleep now so that i would be calm and rested when the little one is here? i refuse to get out of bed and get on the computer or watch tv because once i give in to getting up, then i've accepted it and insomnia wins...i can't let that happen just yet.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

my new game...

so since i've been on bed rest for a month, i've not really had a chance to get out much...but at my last appointment i was given the clearance to go do things...not be out and about like crazy, but i am allowed to go walking, to the store, etc.

at this point i'm close to my due date, and though my OB and midwife would like me to make it to 40 weeks if i was to go into labor now, the baby would be being on strict bed rest isn't 100% necessary though i do try to rest for a good portion of the day, just so that i can be sure i'm doing everything possible to help keep this little person safe and sound as long as i can.

anyway, my new game - so on Saturday evening, Dave and I went food shopping, while out at the store an older gentleman, probably about 70 asked me when i was due, and rather than just saying "October 10th" i just simply said "today". the look on his face was priceless. it was totally worth it. Dave even added "yeah, watch out, she could blow at any minute!"

so now i will definitely tell anyone who asks when i'm due "today" just to see their's worth it since it amuses me and helps me pass the time until it's actually TIME to have this little one!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

false starts??

so today was my late 36/early 37 week appointment. it was good. we did a check and i'm still dilated to 1.5 cm and effaced close to 90%.

while i was at my doc's office 3 different ladies went into labor. one went off in an ambulance, one in a cab, and a third was waiting for her husband to come pick her up. so that just left me...and though i'm not "officially" in labor right now, i am definitely having a few contractions...though i've been having them all week so it's hard to say they'll actually become consistent and work into something real. it could just be false labor...who knows.

so my midwife sent me home...told me to track them and if they get organized to that's what i'll do.

i will be 37 weeks tomorrow so at this point i'm considered to be "full term" so if i was to go into labor now, no one is going to stop me! which is exciting and incredibly scary at the same time.

it's wild to think this journey is coming to an end. i mean, being pregnant has been such an emotional, crazy ride. i can't imagine that at the most i've got 5 weeks left (meaning they LATEST i'd be able to go is 42 weeks before my midwife/ob would induce me) with baby G inside of me. It will be weird and exciting to have to share this person with Dave, my family, his family and all of our friends. Though trust me, i won't be sad to have him or her out and'd be great to be able to actually see my feet again! lol!!

so we'll see how it G will be here before we know it!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

a shower for Baby G

Dave and I are blessed. We had a wonderful shower for Baby G on Sunday, September 14th. My mom put together a wonderful afternoon at Rocco's Restaurant in Wilmington.

The food was so good and the company was even better. All the ladies in my family made it, plus a bunch of my friends from High School, College and beyond were there, plus a good friend of Dave's made it too!

We had food, cake and then opened gifts. We got such amazing gifts from our friends and family. We ended up with tons of clothes, toiletrees, toys, etc for this little one. I was just so amazed at all the generosity people had for our little one. We also got

My sister and my Grammy both helped out also. Beth was awesome and hung all these little baby clothes up on a clothesline above where we sat and she kept a log for me of who gave me what...and Grammy made the cutest boo-boo bunnies for favors and she also had wrappers for candy bars made that said "A Baby Shower for Baby G". I was so touched. I know she was busy with visitors and has things to do and she took all that time to make such wonderful things to help celebrate the arrival of the newest member of our family!

Now the hard part is going on...we still need to get a dresser and a crib (luckily i have my old bassinett so we're all set on that for now). Dave went out on Monday and bought a stroller/carseat combo at Target and he put a lot of the stuff together at this point so we're getting things together.

I hope to get a dresser this weekend so that i can make sure we're all set for that...and get more diapers, wipes, etc...i need to see what we have so far too. Hopefully I'll get released from bed rest soon so i can get this stuff done!! i don't want to be completely unprepared when baby G arrives!

Now I need to wash all the babies clothes and get them ready to be put away - granted

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

confessions of a couch jockey

i've now officially been on bed rest for nearly 4 weeks. i think it's time i come clean and clear the air on what it is i actually do all day and the other silly things that bed rest has driven me to!

i confess to the following (in no particular order):

- i watch TNT everyday from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. every day. i watch Charmed, ER, Las Vegas, and Without A Trace in that order and i will pause live TV if i need to go to the bathroom or get up for anything...

- i play on the computer all day as well. i visit facebook and myspace plus check my hotmail a bunch of times, and I IM with my cousins or whoever else is online that i can bother.

- i only shower when Dave is here. i worry that if i shower when he's at work that i'll fall and no one will be able to help me. it'll be like those old ladies in the "i've fallen and i can't get up" commercials for that life alert thing.

- if i could, i would eat candy all day long...but since i don't want to be a pig, i only eat one piece a day if that. Dave bought it...not me!!!

- i get excited when i hear the mailman on the porch...means i get to go outside for 2 minutes and get the mail. truthfully that's pretty much the only contact i have with the outside world.

- there is a person in my neighborhood who plays the accordion every day around 11 a.m. i try to see if it's a man or woman but they have yet to reveal themselves to me.

- i eat probably 3 or 4 glasses of ice a day, meaning in the matter of a week i go through a 5 lb. bag of ice from shaws. i know the dentist is going to LOVE me when i go for a checkup this fall.

- i wear sweatpants and a tank top everyday...i don't even wear a bra most of the's not like i have anyone to impress...but if someone was to be coming over, i'd at least put one on...and maybe some jeans...ok probably not with the jeans.

- today i woke up and questioned if it was Friday. i'm losing track of days...awesome.

- everytime i have a contraction (like i am right now) i hope that it's the start of labor and clearly up to this point it hasn't been.

- i've still got about 700 photos to go through from the wedding and though i have ALL DAY here to do it...i don't do it. it's just too overwhelming...and frankly boring...

- i eat a lot of fruit still - i have fruit salad for lunch and sometimes at dinner (at least i still have some healthy habits)

- not many people have come to visit me and it's ok with me. people work during the day and i'm here alone...if they came i'd need to wear a bra.

- getting off the couch for the baby shower (more on that in a later post) exhausted me and i slept extra. i think at this point my body is getting used to just sitting for long periods of time.

- i can't wait to call Dave when i go into actual labor and say "it's time." he asks me EVERY hour "is it time?" and sadly i always have to say no...but one of these days it will be a YES!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

all by myself...

this is the latest i've been up since my wedding night. usually by this time of evening i'm sleeping soundly in my bed, but right now i'm watching The Wedding Date on TBS and contemplating if i should eat more candy.

i have a really hard time going to bed when Dave isn't here. for whatever reason i don't sleep well when i am home alone. it's weird i know, but i just don't like it. maybe i've just become accustomed to having him here, maybe i'm a baby and can't sleep when i'm home alone, or maybe the truth is i just don't like being by myself at home. granted, i'm not really alone persay being that i have my landlord upstairs and our 3rd floor neighbor possibly home as well...the point is i just don't like being by myself and going to bed. i'll admit i'm such a girl when it comes to being home alone. and this is coming from a girl who lived ALONE in San Francisco!!

dave is out at his friend adam's bachelor party and will probably be out until 2 a.m...putting him back here between 2:30 a.m. and 3:00 a.m. i KNOW i won't be up that late, but it's going to be hard for me to go sleep in my bed without him being here.

tomorrow is our baby shower, so i definitely should get some sleep before then...we need to be in Wilmington around 1 p.m. if not earlier so i need to get my beauty sleep...i can't have bags under my eyes...gotta make sure i don't fall asleep as i'm opening the baby's gifts!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Any Day Now...

yes, that's what my midwife says...ANY DAY NOW! i had my 35 week, 6 day appointment today and it turns out that she thinks that this little one is going to come sooner rather than later.

overall the appointment was great, my blood pressure is holding steady and low at 110/70 and though it was thought i was borderline Gestational Diabetes, it turns out i don't have it as seen in my glucose testing numbers.

while i was there my midwife also did an exam and it turns out i am 1.5 CM dialated and holding strong at 80% effaced. she said she could also feel the head, making this little one in position to join the world.

they also hooked me up for a Non-Stress Test or NST - the baby's heart rate and movement were great and where it should be at this point in my pregnancy and during the 20 mins i was on the machine i had a bunch of contractions. i can't feel them, but this means that my body is in process of rehersing for the main event.

as i was leaving she told me that i could go to my shower, providing i stay seated and don't try to do to anything - no lifting, getting up to get food - anything! she also said to make sure my bag is packed and in the car just in case i need to make a run to BWH...she really thinks i could go into labor at any point apparently!!

so bottom line is i am to stay on bed rest for now and keep my feet up and rest. no stress, no movement and just a lot of relaxing to make sure that i do my best to keep baby G cookin' as long as possible.

oh and as a special wonderful bonus...Dave showed up at my appointment! How exciting is that! I went alone and didn't think he'd make it...but he did...he's SUCH a great husband!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

30 Days Out...

today i'm officially 30 days out from my due date. i feel so close, but so far away.

since i've been on bed rest i've just been sitting here, waiting for something to happen...every little ache or pain or every time the baby moves i think "this might be it!" and then...nothing.

truthfully, bed rest has been boring at times, but it hasn't been THAT bad. one of the things everyone keeps telling me is to enjoy the time i have to rest because once baby G joins the world i am not going to have this time to myself, so i've been trying to just hang out and enjoy the fact that i am still just waiting for him or her to come.

i realize that once he or she does make a grand enterance into the world i'll be spending my time learning how to change diapers, bathe a baby, feed it, dress it, hold it,'s a whole new world and a whole new life for Dave and i.

to be honest, i really don't think i am going to make it until October 10th. i have a very strong feeling that baby G will be coming within the next two weeks. I can tell he or she has dropped drastically and i often feel movement down in my pelvis area so i KNOW he or she is really low and i have pretty strong braxton-hicks contractions everyday.

it's only a matter of time now.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

nap time

saturday is dave's day. he loves to nap. he is in fact napping right now. the thing about naps for me is that i can't just take a nap. most naps are what - 1 maybe 2 hours total. i take a nap and i'm down for 3 to 5 hours. and when i do get up, i'm a mess. i'm groggy, tired and the rest of my day is useless.

i'm jealous of how well he can nap considering i am up every two hours all night long and don't sleep well anyway. i've just never been a very good napper...even in college when napping during the day is completely acceptable it was just NEVER my thing. maybe someday i'll get the hang of it...but i doubt it.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

time to think...lots of it

it's only officially like day 5 of bed rest and all ready i'm starting to go a bit stir crazy. there is not really much you can physically do when you are just sitting around on your couch.

according to the doctor's orders i am able to go to the bathroom and take showers, but that's about it. i was told to stay seated or lying as much as possible and not to do any housework, heavy lifting, etc. so really it's an exercise in patience. it's the hurry up and wait theory really. all i can do it wait for baby G to make his or her enterance into the world.

i've had time to think about things. think about being a parent and what that really means. those thoughts started really when i was at Brigham and Women's on the Mag on the L&D floor. i wasn't able to sleep very well so i heard a lot of what was going on. i heard the nurses talking about their late night lunches, people's IV's beeping as they ran out of meds and i even heard two new babies cry as they entered the world. that's when the thinking's amazing what my body is about to do. honestly, when you really think about it i have been able to grow a person inside of my body and in a few days or weeks this person will join the world.

i realize that we as a race probably OVER analyze the process, being that cats, dogs and pretty much every other mammal gives birth without medical intervention, but hey...i still stand by my theory that if God didn't want me to use meds he wouldn't have created people who know how to make them! hehehe

anyway, in these last days of waiting for baby G the anticipation builds. i am excited, scared and really ready for my body will be nice to lay on my stomach and maybe have a glass of wine now and again. i am also looking forward to wearing pants that button...hopefully in my same pre-baby size and the big thing, i want to go out to a sushi dinner featuring eel, tuna and sake plus there is really tasty sounding chocolate buffet at a hotel in Boston and i am looking forward to going to that as well.

i think being a parent will be fun, scary and probably pretty rewarding. i am sure there will be times i'll want to pull my hair out, but luckily dave and i have a lot of good support people. between my family, his family and our friends we have plenty of people to ask for advice and go to for support.

all i am hoping for now is a healthy baby and a very medicated delivery that goes quickly. oh, and i'd like baby G to wait until AFTER we have our baby shower to join us...but i think that decision is out of my hands!

Monday, September 1, 2008

the waiting game...and events leading up to it

the past week has been a pretty turbulent one to say the least. it all started on Wednesday, August 27th. it was our 2nd professional development day for CRLS, which means we had a variety of teacher meetings to attend and our first meeting was for all special educators, social workers, psychologists, etc at an elementary school about 1.7 miles away from the high school. it was a beautiful day, really breezy and very nice so i decided i'd take the walk with the rest of the teachers to the school. usually i would have driven, but since i have been feeling so good, i thought i'd walk, get some exercise and spare myself the inevitable parking ticket I would have gotten had i driven (parking is very limited in Cambridge). toward the end though my pelvis started to become sore, which is typical of any large amount of didn't think much of it and just headed into the auditorium for our meeting.

i felt warm so i started drinking tons of water to make sure i was hydrated, which i certainly was and then my lower back began to throb and my stomach became rock hard. i started to really be in some pain. so...I took two tylenol (which is FINE in pregnancy) and drank a lot more that point i was visibly in pain and one of my co-workers suggested i call the doctor.

she's had 2 kids and said to her, it looked like i was having contractions. so...i called. the nurse at my doctor's office suggested i come in ASAP so they could hook me up to a monitor and see what was going on...i clearly agreed even though i felt so foolish going in, i mean, maybe i was just dehydrated or something, who knows! but as everyone tells me with pregnancy, better to be safe than sorry so I headed back into the auditorium and talked to my boss...who immediately told me to i left. now, my mom offered to come get me, but me...being the stubborn gal that i am decided that i could get back to my car on my own and ended up taking the city bus back to i did...and let me say, i was contracting every 6 to 8 was obvious, even to the other city bus riders who looked at me and asked if i was in labor...awesome.

i got off the bus and got to the car then drove to Quincy to my doc's office...once there they did some testing, put me on a monitor and baby g was fine, though the contractions were now 2 to 3 minutes apart. they did a bunch of tests on me including a Group B Strep test (which i still don't know the results of) and a FFN (fetal fibronectin test) which came back positive, meaning i could in fact deliver in the next two weeks or i could not...nothing like accurate medical testing right - lol. and on top of that they did an exam to see if i was actually dialating and yea, i that point i was 1 cm dialated (0ut of 10) and 50% effaced (meaning my cervix was thining out) i called Dave and he came to meet the meantime the staff at HVMA in Quincy called over to Brigham and Women's and arranged for me to be admitted!!

Dave and I left the HVMA office around 2:30 and headed to the hospital...we got there and they tried to get the pre-term labor to stop with an oral medication that didn't work, then they moved on to Magnesium Sulfate to stop the contractions so that I could get steroid shots to help prepare the babies lungs in the event that he or she decides to be born a bit early! So...once I was on the Magnesium drip I got the first steroid shot and was then told I'd be on the drip for 48 hours. This meant that I'd get the second steroid shot 24 hours later and then 24 hours after that I'd be what is known as Beta Complete so that if he or she was born their lungs had recieved steroid therapy to help breathing.

So at that point I was told I'd be there at least until Saturday or Sunday Dave and I got settled and accepted that we were there for the rest of the week. I called my family members and dave went home to get some clothes and supplies for the remainder of the week.

Now, from Wednesday night thru Friday night the Magnesium made me hot, flushed and really just tired. I felt ok otherwise and my vitals were great. The baby was not as active but still had a strong heart rate and was moving. Finally by Thursday afternoon (about 24 hours after being on the Mag) my contractions began to subside meaning the labor had been halted. I just sat there and rested as much as I could though truthfully I wasn't really sleeping all that much and was definitely overtired.

Friday evening around 5pm I came off of the Mag and was tired, cranky and just ready to be free of the IV. Once off of it I didn't feel anything for about 4 hours. Then around 9:30pm I started having awful pains in my back and stomach...turns out I wasn't in labor, but was now told I have something known as Irritable Uterus and this condition can lead to pre-term labor. They checked my cervix again and though it's not dialated anymore (still 1 cm) it's now effaced to 75% and it could stay that way for weeks. To stop the pain, I was given a shot of morphine and passed out...I woke up on Saturday AM and the pain was gone, but I was a entire body was sore and irritable, my brain felt foggy and I was just done. I was discharged Saturday with the instructions to be on bedrest through 37 weeks minimum.

At that point I just wanted to go home, so Dave took me home and i slept nearly 24 hours through to Sunday morning. I spent yesterday sitting here with my cousin Danielle who was awesome. I felt ok for the day...having a few Braxton Hicks conractions during the day, but nothing too much to report, then finally last night at about 12:45am I woke up with the Irritable Uterus problem again. It HURT. I was up until about 3:30am waiting for the pain to subside. It's different than contractions because it doesn't come and just stays painful for hours. I was in a bad spot, but luckily it finally subsided and I went back to sleep unitl about 10:00am today.

So now I'm on bedrest and I can totally understand why. If I was to have that type of pain out and about I'd probably fall on the floor. It's way to uncomfortable to be out and about and I know that it's best for me to just follow the doctor's orders and wait it out.

I think the little Garcia is going to come when he or she is ready and all I can do is sit still and just wait. My personal G will join the world sometime in Early September. I think perhaps in the next two or three weeks to be honest. Which will be ok with me!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

i'm harboring a fugitive

so today i'm 33 weeks and 2 days along and i am COUNTING the days until Baby G joins us! i'm guessing that most pregnant women get to this point around this stage of pregnancy. i'm just done at this point. i feel fat, bloated and honestly tired all the time.
my nose is always stuffy so i have constant post nasal drip and a sinus headache, my ankles and feet get swollen if i stand up or sit down, so i can't really win and every night i wake up every 3 hours to go the bathroom, oh and i need 5 pillows to sleep comfortably! lol.
the complaints are minimal i guess, because really right now i'm fine otherwise. just cranky i guess...oh well.
i start work "officially" on Tuesday, though truthfully i've been working since the begining of August anyway. i really feel like i've made a lot of progress and hope to really get things moving come September so that when I do go out on Maternity leave things at the school will be set. i do figure that with me out for 3 months a lot of things won't get done...but i'll do my best to get things set up before i go...and if i can, i'd even consider working a few days from home or something during maternity leave. i don't think i'll get bored, i'm just a work-a-holic so i always feel the need to work. (i think i get that from my mom!)
we got our wedding pictures back this past week as well, seriously 1100 photos is an amazing amount to need to review and pick from. i have them on my computer and gave my mom the disks to go through on her end. it's going to be a lot, but hpoefully we can get it done by the time the baby is born. i'd like to have the wedding stuff done by then at least!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

birthing class

today dave and i went to birthing class. we got lucky because only two women registered - me and another girl. usually those classes are 13 to 15 couples and it takes two 6 hour days, but since it was only 2 couples (or rather Dave and I and another girl and her aunt) it was only one 5 hour day.

i thought the class was ok. it was good because we got some clarification on how things would go and the timetable for how long it could last, which was good, but it wasn't any information i couldn't have gotten on the internet or from talking to friends. the big thing was learning the terminology and knowing what to expect on the big day. the instructor was funny and explained all the possible things that could happen. i didn't get stressed despite the fact that so many things could happen, which is not normal for me, since usually i worry about every detail, but for some reason when it comes to child birth i don't seem to worry, i sort of just figure i can go with the flow. women have been doing this birthing thing for years, i am sure i'll be fine.

at this point we aren't sure if i will be having a c-section or a vaginal delivery. baby g is still breech, which means head up - feet down and trust me...i get kicked in the pelvis ALL the time so it's not like the little one is moving into position. i have a feeling that he or she doesn't want to move, and i can't blame him or her. i get nauseous when i'm hung upside down for long periods of time too! maybe he or she is just happy head if that's the case we'll schedule a C-Section and just go with it. i'm not going to worry about that until we get to that point though. there's nothing i can do about it today anyway.

now it's time for dinner, i'm pregnant and out!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

almost there...

so i'm finally in the home stretch of my pregnancy...31 weeks, 1 day today! it's exciting cause i'm ready to be done with the pregnancy honestly...

- i'm getting tired again, sort of like the first trimester, but now i'm bigger so it's harder to get comfy to take naps!

- the baby keeps kicking me and flipping all over the place...granted, that's what we want, it's just giving me heartburn and indigestion so it's not all that fun!

- i have cankles on the really humid days, which if anything is funny, and sort of annoying but it does limit what shoes i can really wear so that keeps me from being very fashionable.

but truthfully overall it's not THAT bad...the small annoyances will be worth it in about 2 months when Dave and I get to embark on our next journey - parenthood!
i am excited and scared to be a parent...being that i have no clue what babies need or what they do...but i know that i'll learn, and i have a lot of moms around me (including my mom, grammy, and aunts) who i can call and ask questions at any time! at this point i am just hoping that we can afford it we are getting closer i know i can figure out the baby care, but the finances are starting to freak me out a bit. it's amazing how expensive babies are...and knowing that we only have 2 months left until the baby comes (possibly earlier - but hopefully not too much earlier) we are really going to have to tighten the belt around the home...which stinks, but we need to get used to the idea that we can't be going out to dinner or spending recklessly...having a child is going to change the financial picture a lot, but we are going to be ok!
Good Thing I buy the cheap shampoo! lol!

Monday, August 4, 2008

the house on hospital hill

We're in. We've moved and I'm here today sitting in my new living room. Our new place is starting to get set up. Slowly but surely it's coming along!

On Friday evening Dave and his friend Artie moved ALL the furniture. Seriously moved everything and my mom and I did the packing and I did the light lifting. Then on Saturday my parents came down around 9 and helped us finish up in Brant Rock so that we could get everything moved. Danielle came down too and brought Chris' truck which was a HUGE help for some of the things we had left.

After that we all headed up to Quincy to do the final unload and unpack. It's amazing how much stuff Dave and I had stuck under beds, put away in closets, etc. Since we don't have nearly the amount of storage space we are very lucky to have a nice storage space in the basement for a lot of our items.

My mom and I went to KMart and Bed Bath and Beyond to get a few last minute items and she was very helpful and thoughtful about what I would need to get to make the house a better and more liveable place. We got some bins to put my pre-maternity clothes in the basement and some organizational things for our new bathroom.

Danielle took care of my kitchen stuff and my dad was helping Dave and organizing stuff. It was awesome to have such dedicated helpers. I loved it. I am sort of out of commission because I'm pregant so I LOVED having the help from my family. I'm very lucky to have such wonderful relatives who are so dedicated to helping me. I hope they are this dedicated when Baby G arrives! hehehe

And speaking of Baby G, well, we are a little under 10 weeks until the due date. It's exciting and scary. I love that he or she moves all around in my stomach - it's awesome that he or she is so's cute. I figure we'll have our hands full when the little one arrives. I could do without the pain and pressure on my pelvis and the heartburn, but hey...small price to pay for bringing a new person into the world!

Today I am going to get moving after lunch. I need to do some organizing here...getting more things put away and I am even going to work on making dinner so when Dave gets home it's done. I figure it's the least I can do since I'm not working today.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

only 4 days, 3 nights left

so it's true...we have 4 days and 3 nights left here in Brant Rock. We signed our lease today for our new place in Quincy. very exciting. We have the keys and will be moving our stuff on Saturday...we've rented a UHaul, enlisted the help of some great friends and loving family, and are doing the packing now.
Tomorrow I intend to do most of the kitchen, a big chunk of upstairs and then well, we'll be just about ready to go. We've packed a lot of stuff all ready but it's hard because we still need to live here for the next few days so a lot of the stuff we're not sure about packing...but i figure a few things will just be tossed in bags/boxes last minute. It's not like we're moving it 1,000 miles, we're moving it approximately 17 miles, so if things aren't packed 100% perfectly, I won't be too upset - as long as things don't break...i'll be fine.
Another good thing with this move is that we don't have any furniture for Baby G yet. If we did, it'd be ALL bad. that would be WAY too much stuff to move, which is weird to think about because next time we do move, we will have a child and all his or her stuff to move as well. Though I also hope that next time we move we are going to be going somewhere that we are buying...not renting.
Anyway - it's an exciting and rather messy time here in Brant Rock...but I wouldn't want it any other way!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

"let ME eat cake"

SO turns out I don't have Gestational Diabetes! Yeah for me! I was so worried since I failed my 1 hour Glucose test that I would fail the 3 hour, but I got the call this afternoon that I passed the test! I went in this morning at 8 am. I fasted last night, and did the test this morning.

My glucose level was good to start this morning and they took my blood every hour after I drank this orange glucose drink. Turns out I had 1 score that was 4 points higher than it should be, so I do NOT have GD, but I do still need to go see a nutritionist to talk about eating choices and a healthy diet I guess, it's what the Doctor has you do when you test high during the 3 hour. If I had been over on 2 of the readings they would have diagnosed me with GD. I will be hearing from them this week to make an appointment for next week. I figure it can't hurt me to learn more about nutrition, honestly I've always wanted to learn more about how to put together a healthy diet. I eat a lot of fruits and veggies anyway, but I also LOVE candy and sweets and I think I could really benefit from talking to a professional anyway. Especially having a child on the way, it can't hurt to know more about smarter ways to eat.

Anyway, so that's the good news...I am free to eat cake...not in excess of course. It's nice to have one less thing to be worrying about in the next few weeks. Between going back to work, packing up this apartment, moving to a new apartment, all my doctor's appointments and then grad school starting back up, I am going to be really busy trying to do everything that I have to do before Baby G joins the world!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

packing - oh the joy!

Since the move is imminent, today I will be doing a lot more packing. I've started packing up things in the guest room and I am amazed at how much stuff we have (and here I thought that we had cleaned out that room before Dave's mom came to visit!). My plan today is to take my time and pack a few boxes at a time without stressing myself out too much. I also need to go the Registry and change my license. FUN!

Dave and I talked about the move last night, and though we have this place until the 15th of August, we will have to move all of our belongings by August 2nd. The weekend of the 9th we have a wedding and a birthday party and then the 15th falls on a Friday. Dave won't be able to take a day off from work to move anything and being that I'm nearly 29 weeks along I can't really do ANY heavy we need to rely on the help of others! Luckily between my family and Dave's friends we have a bunch of people who are willing to help! It's great to know so many people who really care about us and our willing to help for some beer and pizza.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

carmelized onions

Today I learned how to make something new - carmelized onions. Ok so seriously it's not that hard to make them but since I barely have been able to boil water until recently, I thought it was worthwhile to figure out HOW to make something new. That being said, I was cutting onions for salad while Dave was cooking steak so I got out my Better Homes & Gardens Newlywed Cookbook (thanks Kathi) and looked up Onions. That's when I learned that all I needed was butter and a skillet...ok...easy I did it. I carmelized onions all by myself. Dave and I both had them on our filets and they were awesome. Clearly if you follow the directions cooking is much easier.
This is the second time I have used my new cookbook...The first time I used it was to figure out how to make chocolate chip cookies. And apparently I did that pretty well as well, even my Grammy thought so, and if I could impress her with my cooking then obviously I'm doing something right!
I figure that since I'm about 80 days from becoming someone's mother I should know how to make more meals. I am very lucky that my husband likes to cook for me, but I think I should know how to make things as well. I feel like it's such a change from my single gal ways, but isn't life really all about change? I never have been much of a cook (though I can make an excellent salad) but I know that if I am going to have a family I should be at least able to feed them.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

move along, move along....

well, it's happened...we are moving. i am sad to say it, but i know it's the right thing to do. Dave and I have been going back and forth on it for a while. We both LOVE Brant Rock and our beach house, but we know that with the impending arrival of little baby G we needed a place that would be more condusive to having a child.

We live in a place now that doesn't have a washer/dryer in unit (we go to the laundrymat across the street), we have metal spiral stairs, which are cool, but i am nervous about carrying a baby up and down them, plus for me, the commute to work is anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half each way depending on traffic (imagine doing that drive with a six month old with a diaper full of poop) so we decided it was time to move forward and get a place that was closer to Boston and inbetween our two jobs.

So for the past week since the wedding I've been focusing on the apartment search. Dave went back to work and I called all sorts of places to schedule appointments to look at different apartments all around the Quincy, Braintree, and Weymouth areas. First, let me say that I was HORRIFIED by the quality of some of the places we saw. I can't imagine that someone is going to want to pay $1,200 plus utilities on a two bedroom place in a brick building that smells like trash. Disgusting. Second, let me say that I am amazed at how some creative photography can make a place look nicer than it is. These homeowners and real estate agents should become part of the paparazzi considering how wonderful their work is. Anyway, we looked at 7 places in total. Our biggest challenge which limited the search was the quest for a de-leaded apartment. Apparently anything built before 1978 would have lead paint in it. This means that any exposure could be damaging to baby G's development. And yes, I do realize that I grew up in a house with lead paint and so did my parents and their parents, BUT I don't want it on Dave and I that we didn't take proper precautions to ensure our childs safety. If for any reason it develops a learning disability or brain damage because we didn't ensure that it was living in a de-leaded environment then I'd feel awful and probably never forgive myself.
That is what limited our search. I called 20 places that were not de-leaded so it wasn't even worth us going to look.
We ended up going into a random realtors office who had a place for rent in Quincy, in a very nice area called Hospital Hill. It's very residential, 2 and 3 family homes, kid friendly and quiet. We looked at it and put in our deposit this past Thursday.
It's amazingly nice - 2 bedroom, hard wood floors throughout, completely re-done and de-leaded (I spoke to the painter who de-leaded it), and has a back patio, storage, central AC and a washer/dryer downstairs in the basement. It's a beautiful home that is owner occupied, so that makes it even more desireable. if the owner lives there, you know you are getting a better deal because they LIVE there. They take care of the property. I love it. It's not beachfront, but as Dave has told me, we got LUCKY finding this place. It was the 3rd one we looked at. We loved it right away and for two people starting their life together it was perfect, but now it's time to move on and share the wealth!

Friday, July 18, 2008

my wedding...

well, the wedding was amazing to say the least. i LOVED it. i got to wear a beautiful dress, which at first honestly i didn't like but looking back on it, it looked perfect on me. i need to trust other people's opinions a bit more i think.
dave looked handsome, my grandfather even told me he thought he looked like a movie star! dave is dreamy - that's for sure.

the ONLY minor hiccup in the day was when the Justice of the Peace forgot that she was supposed to do my ceremony that day. she actually didn't show up. i had to call her and ask her if she was coming only to find out that she had forgotten. so she wasn't there for nearly an i did the only thing i could think of...i had the hotel re-open the open bar for another hour and i talked to the kitchen and they were able to serve dinner people ate and drank and when Melinda got there we did the was wonderful! i was really pleased with how it all turned out. we ended the night with karaoke. it was fun and everyone took turns singing, which i loved. it was such a great day. everything i imagined my wedding would be, except i was sober and pregnant...but hey...i married my true love - what's better than that!
now it's time to focus on so many other things. we are married, moving to a new place and the baby is coming in early October. I am excited, scared, happy, overwhelmed. it's wild how many things I need to do...moving is going to be a lot to take on, but it will be fine. I'm off for a few more weeks so I have time to pack most of our stuff even though I can't move it really. Being pregnant does limit some of the things I can do and how much i can really lift, but i figure i can pack during the day and then after the 1st we can move most of the small stuff and then do the bigger stuff over a few days with the help of family and friends.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

the bachelorette brunch

Nicole, Rachel, Jessica, Me and Kerrie

Beth, Sara and Danielle touching Baby G!

Auntie Sandy, Auntie Patti, Me, Auntie Mary & Auntie Karen

My Mom, Me and Grammy

i had a lovely bachelorette brunch on Sunday, June 22nd at the East Bay Grille with my family and a few friends. Obviously with my current condition (I'm 26 weeks and 2 days pregnant) a traditional bachelorette party wasn't going to cut it. i certainly wasn't going to be going out to any bars and living it up so my sis and bridesmaids thought a brunch would be better. that being said, they planned a small family gathering of my aunts, mom, grammy, and a few of my south shore friends who couldn't make the bridal shower. it was a wonderful time truthfully since i don't get to hang out with these women a lot and it was very sweet of them to think of me.

it's amazing how much kindness weddings bring out in people. i guess it's the thought of true love that makes them want to do nice things for one of their grammy also went above and beyond and paid for the brunch, which i thought was amazing and very sweet of her. i know my girlfriends were very appreciative and really thought it was just so generous of her.

the food was soo good at the East Bay Grille too. I love it there anyway, but I had a very nice breakfast and got to chat with my friends and family. it's nice to get to spend time with people i care about in such a casual and fun way.

i have had a hard time with so much of the wedding stuff because i always feel like i need to be "ON" or be the center of attention, but truthfully it was so nice because I wasn't the center of attention, well, ok I was, but I certainly didn't feel like it. It just felt like a nice breakfast with family and friends.

Monday, June 23, 2008

the NEW dress

So this past Saturday my mom, my sister and I headed to Bridals by Valerie to review the original dress and decide what to do. Now, I knew it looked bad going in, and it really got me down, so I expected Beth and my mom to either LOVE it or HATE it...and both of them thought it was HIDEOUS. Which was funny...just because Beth was really blunt - she was like "oh no Jenny, take it off" and my mom, who later told me she was trying to put on a brave face said "it's not THAT bad" but deep down she knew, it was just awful.

so...with that information, the choices were limited. we could do our best with what we had and the seamstress could work on trying to work with the material OR we could just give up and get another dress, which is what we ended up doing.

Beth, my mom and Emily the seamstress went to the discontinued rack and looked at the options. These are the dresses that are no longer available to order, but they still have one in the store. I tried on a bunch of them...and we ended up narrowing it down to two...both are off white, one was more simple and the other was a little more elaborate. Just based on what was going to best fit my baby belly...we went with the one that was a bit more elaborate.

i should say here that what's "elaborate" to me, is really not "elaborate" to anyone else. The dress originally had sleeves, and a really long train, but once altered is now sleeveless and has a very small train, which is FINE with me. The top has a sweetheart neckline with silver beading that is in the shape of flowers and sort of matches the cake oddly enough...and will look very pretty with a bright gerber daisy in my hair.

It's empire waisted and from there just flows down ever so slightly. It's really pretty honestly. Definitely NOT something I'd ever pick out for myself. I am not into beading really, or the flowing thing, but with the fact that I also am not in the shape I was in 24 weeks and 3 days ago - my body at this point wouldn't be able to support the type of dress I would pick. I am a huge fan of simple, no beads, maybe some lace, but this is very flowy and makes my baby and my boobs look good, which is really all a girl can ask for at this point. And it looks like a wedding dress, which I know made my mom happy. She loves the bridal look. During the alterations, we even agreed on a small train, which for me was a hard thing to do - but considering that she is paying for a new dress and alterations in the 11th hour, the least I could do is give in and go for the little train. It made her happy and truthfully it's behind me it's not like I have to look at it.

I feel very lucky to have a mom who is so good to me. She's honest, caring, wonderful and considering how much of a pain in the ass I have been lately about this wedding she truly has been amazing to me. I am so lucky to have her. She is willing to do whatever it takes to make my wedding perfect for me, which is wonderful. I truly appreciate her support!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

so the dress is in...

to say that i love my dress is not accurate. i like it, but by no means do i love it. at 13 weeks pregnant it looked so much different than it did today when i put it on. now at 1 day shy of 24 weeks (6 months) it looked so different. *note photo to the left.

i guess in my mind i didn't really get how i was going to look in this dress...i mean, i thought i'd look cute but still pregnant, but i put the dress on and i didn't hate it, but it certainly wasn't a maternity's a regular dress i'm trying to alter. i just think i should have gotten a maternity gown from the beginning. i don't mind the color, the style or the dress itself, but just not on me.

i actually cried when i put it on...and it wasn't tears of was sad tears. thank GOD for Kerrie. she said she thought i might have a breakdown, but truthfully i had a breakdown. most brides cry because they are so happy with how the look and i cried because i just feel so awkward about being a pregnant bride. i realize that MANY women are pregnant when they get married. I know that rationally in my head...but for whatever reason I just can't accept it and embrace it. i really wish dave and i had put off the wedding UNTIL after i had given birth, so that i could have just enjoyed my wedding without some extra stress of the fact that i am pregnant and don't feel like i'm the bride i always envisioned i'd be. i guess the big thing is though i'm not a girly girl, i always knew that when i did get married it's be a beautiful day full of my family and friends...and that i'd be able to drink, party, and live it up. and that i'd be in a gorgeous dress and look amazing...but since i'm not in my first choice dress and i can barely stay up past 10:00pm this doesn't look like it's going to be the best of times...oh well...i should have thought of this at week and learn on that one i guess.

it's so hard to be a pregnant person anyway - between the swollen feet and ankles, the constant need to pee, the HUGE boobs, and the general feeling of malaise most of the day being pregnant for me has NOT been a picnic but being pregnant and knowing that i'm getting married has been stressing me out a lot. i've had the flu at 8 weeks, random bleeding at 10 weeks, and the shingles for weeks 21 and 22 (random neck rash noted in a few posts prior)! i just don't feel pretty...
now none of this means i don't want to get married, because i am SOOO excited to marry Dave. He's amazing, i'm not worried about that part of it, but i just am not comfortable doing all the traditional marriage stuff...i feel's just me, not anyone else, and i take full responsibility for the feelings i have. it's all me...maybe it's hormones, maybe it's just stress, maybe this all means i have really bitten off more than i can chew with this wedding and a pregnancy...and I NEVER feel clearly i have taken on too much.