a simple twist of fate

3 weeks have passed and it feels like a lifetime. so much has changed in 3 weeks, it's amazing how different i've become. To quote a Jewel song "I feel so far from where I've been"

I seriously am just amazed at how far I've come as a person, not just as a parent, but as a woman. I was so different just a year ago at this time. It's amazing how different I am and how much things change.

I always knew I'd move back to MA from CA. It was a given. I knew that though I LOVED CA I would never marry someone out there and have a family. I couldn't have a child and live 3,000 miles away from my family. It just wasn't an option for me. I think that's part of the reason I couldn't settle down with anyone, even though I wanted to. There are men in CA who will ALWAYS have a piece of my heart, even though our relationships were doomed to fail. Without their failures I would not be where I am now. I wouldn't be married to Dave and we wouldn't have Olivia.

Dave and I met just 10 days after I moved home from CA. If you look at his life line and my life line, there are many instances in the early 2000's where we were running parallel. We knew a lot of the same people, perhaps were even at the same bar or party, and were hanging around the same town but we never met. I truly believe that we were meant to meet when we did and had we met any earlier our relationship would have been doomed. We wouldn't have worked out earlier and Olivia wouldn't have come into existence.

As for me, I certainly am an entirely different person now than I was years ago, I am even different than I was 3 weeks ago -

• I constantly have my hair up in a messy pony tail and no make up
• I wear the same pants day after day
• I smell like the sweet aroma of breastmilk and baby wipes
• I go to bed at 8pm so that I can be up several times during the night with my daughter so Dave can sleep
• I love napping now more than I did in college
• I can now change tv channels, feed the baby and eat a sandwich at the same time

It's amazing how much your life changes when you have a baby - how much you are willing to do for another little life...the big thing for me is going to be NOT losing too much of myself during the process. I want Olivia to always see the importance of being yourself regardless of where your life takes you and part of that means I need to lead by example. I need to show her it's ok to be impulsive, passionate and dedicated to the things that mean the most to her. AND the big thing is that it's important to follow your destiny so that you can find your fate. My destiny brought me to CA and back just so I could be here now. She is my fate I guess, or at least part of my fate. I am a lucky woman. I've done a lot of wonderful things in my life and I wish all the same for her.