Being a good mom is hard. It's harder than any other job I've had in my life. After talking to a trusted friend and advisor today, I came to a realization that I was struggling to wrap my head around:
I have a hard time being a mom because there is not one definitive way to be a "good" mom.
I like standards, measurable results, benchmarks and goals. In radio I always had a sales number to reach or a certain number of tickets to try to sell, it was much easier to figure out what I was supposed to do. As an educator I have curriculum, time-tested methods and pedagogy to look at and compare my work against. Professional success has always been something that I have strived for and parental success is something I aim for as well.
The problem I am having is that there is no real way to measure how successful I am being as a mom. I want to believe I am doing a good job with O and B. I want to believe that the schedules and my sometimes over the top need to give them structure and security is going to produce strong, healthy, independent citizens of the world.
I want to believe that I am a "good" mom, even when I feel like I am not "good" enough for my kids. It is hard for me to be the mom I want to be and still be the person I want to be as well.