Monday, July 23, 2012

mirror, mirror on the wall...

Vanity.  The quest for beauty.  Our desire, as a culture, for perfection.  As I push myself to run each night on my treadmill, I think about why I am really doing it.  I could say that "I am doing it to stay healthy," which is true...but it's not the WHOLE truth.  The whole truth is that I am vain.  I want to be thin and attractive as well as healthy.  I want to fit into my size 6 and 8 pants again.  I want to sheld pounds.  Now, getting healthy is important too...I will never say that I don't want to be healthy, because I do want to live a long, joy filled life, but to be completely honest about it - I want to lose weight and look good in my clothes. 

Now, this raises an even bigger question, "what does look good" actually mean? 
For me it means my pants fit without having to use a hair elastic to close them.  It means I don't get to show off my back fat when I wear my pre-baby bras.  It means that I feel more confident in my clothing and in turn will be a better wife, mom and teacher.  There is a sense of power and freedom that comes with "looking good."  Right before I got pregnant with Benjamin, I was getting to that point.  I was losing weight, my clothes fit well and I really felt good about myself.  The confidence I felt was an amazing thing.

The vanity inside me comes from a good place.  It comes from the fact that I truly believe that confidence, looking good and feeling good are all interconnected. 

Look good - feel good - be confident (repeat).

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